The past month or so has been very eventful. I’ve been making moves in my professional life, getting over some personal trauma, and adjusting to social change. I have a confession. I have been avoiding myself. I have made the conscious decision (multiple times) to NOT sit down and tune in to myself. Lets say you have a really rough day at the office, and on top of that your boyfriend/girlfriend breaks up with you. You have issues in the two core sections of your life. By the time you get home, it seems appealing to just “sleep it off”. Well… I’ve been “sleeping it off” for the majority of March. The fact of the matter is, I’m going through a lot of firsts and it is overwhelming. I know that all of these changes will come up in my meditation, and I’m a firm believer that we have to get UNDER the issue in order to get OVER it. Experiencing pain, will help you heal. I’ve been straight up afraid of facing the coping process. Straight up afraid.
*Lets rewind a little bit. About two years ago, I connected with a woman on twitter (we’ll refer to her as Blake). I used to call her radio show and we clicked instantly. We talked every week and once she left her show, we stayed connected through social media. We got into a pretty deep conversation one night and she decided to send me “The Secret”. It was here within 2 days, I finished it in one. It changed my life and jump started this awakening.*
Well, this ridiculously random and authentic relationship finally bloomed earlier this week when we met in person. It couldn’t have come at a better time. The emotional roller coaster I went through for the couple of days we spent together really brought me to my “Cap off” of how long I could avoid myself.
I was bouncing between anxiety with work, overwhelming happiness with Blake, and the elephant in the room that I had not meditated and “checked in” for over a week. It sounds subtle, and don’t get me wrong, I am very blessed to have these issues. After a while, it weighs on your heart. By the end of the week, I couldn’t avoid that pillow anymore. I sat my ass down and felt everything. I will admit, I spent about 20 minutes in silence trying to decode my feelings. I tried making sense of every microscopic detail in my life until I finally admitted I was just plain confused. At that moment, I felt a rush of wind roll under me and I literally felt weightless. Cue waterworks. I then surrendered to breath of fire then listened to Shake It Out by Florence and got down with ego eradicator.
Here I am laughing at the thought of me avoiding my meditation just because I knew some shit was going to come up.
A couple of key things I will keep in the back of my head to avoid this issue again:
Stay connected with nature
After my meditation I went outside and it felt like it had been the first time i had actually been outside in weeks. Take the extra time to feel the wind, hear birds, and don’t judge the rain. Simply take the time to experience the natural aspects of the world around you, move with the chaos.
Do what you love. Allow yourself that down time to catch up on Scandal, listen to more Beyonce, go for a walk, take chances in new environments. If we were meant to stay in one place we would have roots instead of feet.
Know who’s down
Remember that the company you keep is a direct reflection of you as a person. You want people around you who are going to lift you higher. Blake consistently brings me back to myself and I feel more authentic in my life when I am around her. She is someone I can really coexist with. Know who is going to weigh you down and who is going to help raise your vibration.
Allow yourself to feel
You can’t get over anything til you get under it. Pain can be your friend. It’s all an opportunity to raise your spiritual street cred!
Don’t judge yourself
ITS OKAY TO FAIL. You’re human. If you fall off the saddle, fuck it. Rip the saddle down and hop back on, it’s your life.
Don’t sleep it off
In realtionships they say “never go to bed angry”. Your relationship with yourself is the most important connection, so whats the difference? Don’t go to bed mad or uncomfortable with yourself. Take 5 minutes on the pillow, not only will you fall asleep almost instantly, you’ll wake up feeling like you and yourself resolved that fight last night.